|
|
Can't stop the memories.
Published on 08-02-2007
" I've been forced to relive some of the worst times in my life recently, so that I can back up my claims for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So that I may try and get disability, to help offset the costs of not being able to hold down, or find a job.
I have been holding these memories back for quite some time; I had gone months without really thinking on Iraq. But having to delve into my memory to try and pluck out dates, times, and incidents the damn burst. I've been blasted by wave after wave of horrible, vivid flashbacks.
It really weighs heavily on you. Everyone around you is affected, you can hide it to an extent, but alas in the end it shows.
I've always had that one place to run and hide, and that was inside my head. But when the doors have been blown open, I've found I have nowhere to run and hide. Forcing these memories to subside, and try to think on some other subject.
If I don't keep it in check the next thing I know, I feel that heat wave that is Iraq engulf me. Hear the sounds of gunfire, the whizzing of bullets that I always referred to as "bumblebees". Looking off to my left I see a close friend trapped behind a palm tree, bullets tearing at the weak, thin bark all around him. Seeing the sheer terror in his eyes as our eyes lock.
Then the blood, before I know it I’m already moving. Don't really remember even thinking on running over, as if my body is on auto pilot. Would he have done it for me if the roles were reversed? I believe that he would have been there as fast as I was. When you live, breath, eat, shit, and shower with men for as long as we had at that point, they become as close as any brother/sister/cousin. They become family.
I get to him, and see he’s taken a round in his leg. I throw him my combat life saver kit, and he grits his teeth against the pain. Cuts off the blood flow best he can, while I'm returning fire. I take a few out, and keep my eyes open for the best route back to cover for us.
Alright he’s done, and ready to get the ***** out from behind this scared, half knocked down twig, we are using as cover. Before I know it again, my damn body is two steps ahead of my mind. I'm dragging him with my left arm, while I'm firing off rounds with my M4 in my right hand. We make it back to cover.
No time for celebration, were still under fire, what was that wiz? Shit we had an rpg fly over head. That’s not good. Then it happens, I'm splatter with some type of matter. I wipe at my face, and realize that my brother, has been shot in the face.
Don't really remember the rest of the firefight. Remember the cool water flowing over my body, as I get my senses about myself. As I walk back to my tent, I can hear the crying of my brothers.
I notice the TV, then the room, and realize that I've done the unthinkable. Relived the worst moment of my life, again.
Not sure how this is going to turn out for me, I've already had the cold steel of a shotgun barrel in my mouth. Was it the meds, or was it something deeper down? I can't tell I haven't felt whole since I stepped on that plane bound for the pits of hell.
This is a look into the mind of a person that has seen a war first hand. Before you think it’s cool to wage war, or that perhaps you would like to go and fight for your country. Think about this little blog posting I've posted.
This could easily happen to you, can't remember how many times I've spat hot lead from the end of a barrel.
Or how many times I've heard the pop of the propellant of a mortar/rocket round, and the screaming noise it makes as it comes hurling down to earth with one purpose. Should call them Death Dealers.
I joined the military to get my life on track. I was going down a rough road, and had enough sense to change roads. Few months before I went to basic, the trade centers were hit. I knew I would end up in some dirty hole before my tour was over.
So all in all, think twice before handing your body over to government. When you sign that contract, your considered property of the government.
Think I’ve said enough.
"
|
|
Not a registered user on HQ??
 Why not registered for free by clicking here.
If you continue to experience problems once you have registered and activated
your free user account please contact us from our feedback page. |
|
| |
 | endless
Out in the Boonies
450 XP
HQ Member since Jul 28, 2005
OFFLINE 
|  Forum Posts: 1013
News Articles: 118
Clans: 1
Game Collection: 15
Game Ratings: 12
| Blogs: 4
Tutorials: 9
Downloads: 13
Cheats: 1
Reviews: 3
|
Name: Dean
Occupation: Staying sane
Location: Out in the Boonies
Interests:
Xbox 360, Tech Stuff
|
 |
HQ Network: 7,820 | 
Guests: 4750 |
Members: 0
Post a Comment
